Almost nothing does matter anymore, closeness is an illusion and when I think that I am feeling close to someone, having touched someone’s heart, it already has become over again – killing calmness and silence and the way to myself again. Carelessness is moving me to tears.
I am searching the adventure – even though just for some minutes or hours – to sense myself, to feel that I am still alive.
My life is running before me without giving me the chance to catch up with it. And when I think having caught it, it already has left.
Soon, in some years perhaps, I will have lost my hard-earned freedom. My body will have become old, only to myself he will appear beautiful. My heart only will be seen through the veil of my body and no one, really no one will be able to sense the youthful freshness in it.
I can’t stay as a worn out shoe of someone, better to live in loneliness.
I need life’s intensity, either deeply sad or endlessly happy and at one with myself, and this whole palette of mood within one day.
In having sex I am able to touch the soul of someone. When I feel pleasure, there is no need for protection anymore, the emotional covering has left, I can see the naked soul of the other.
Almost nothing does matter anymore, the death will be the last deep experience of life.
Death will come, much too soon perhaps and I still didn’t became able to put over my inner to outside.
I am despairing on it. Is there some one for whom I am all? Insensibility and indifference have won over love.
As then dear adventures, I am prepared for you.